Sunday, April 05, 2009
A Cyber Toast to Miss Cindy
It has been a long sad week at the preschool where I work. I have really been out of it and not able to concentrate on much of anything. So, Kaitie, Colin, and Claire, when and if you read this entry, I hope you can maybe understand how Miss Cindy's death really affected me. As you know, she died a week ago Friday night. The accident was tragic and senseless. So many emotions came and went all week. Shock, disbelief, sorrow, sadness, and depression all mixed together in my heart. Now I am really angry now because I think Miss Cindy should have had more sense than to be in an attached trailer, asleep, on the highway, while it was raining. Blessedly she was pronounced dead at the scene and all those that were her feel that she died pretty much instantly once the trailer started to dove tail. So this past week I just trudged to work...no smile, no quirky look, no funny stories...they all went away once Miss Cindy died. A bunch of teachers and myself stopped at Fernandos, a little whole in the wall Mexican Restaurant that makes the best "Ritas" and drank a real toast to her. I did not order a "Rita" but rather a small Sangria. Miss Cindy knew that I never had one glass of any alcohol if I was driving but I made an exception this time. I do love Margaritas though...so I am toasting her right here.
Yesterday was dreadful.. I was feeling sick anyway and it was so darn cold in that Funeral Parlor. I sat there for 3 hours just starring. I think I talked some but really don't remember to who. Maybe the fact that I was running a fever had something to do with it. My immune system must have been way off. I slept little last week and with all that I do and all that I am exposed to , I suppose everything caught up with me. When it cam time for the eulogy about hours after I arrived, I finally lost it. It was when Pastor read my little email that I sent to the office at Shepherd of the Hills (where I work). I wasn't prepared and when I heard my words...I was gone. And I did not stop for the next 35 minutes. You did not really see me when you guys got home, but I was a mess...swollen eyes, a pasty face streaked with makeup, and sicker than a dog. I went to be as soon as you walked into the house and have been pretty much there ever since. When I was asked to write something about Miss Cindy, it was the hardest thing I have to do in a very long time. Here is what I wrote about the my friend and colleague:
"Although I have only worked with Cindy for a few short years, I feel so blessed to share in a small part of her life. She endeared herself to so many and I was lucky enough to be included. Cindy had such a huge personality. Just one of her smiles could change the mood in dour room. We had so many "little" talks over these last few years and I came to learn how much she adored her daughter and husband. When she talked about them her whole being glowed. She adored them. She loved anyone lucky enough to be her friend. I remember that just a few weeks ago, Miss Cindy was sharing one of her friend stories with Miss Andrea and myself. She described a recent visit she had with her woman doctor friend. When Miss Cindy talked about her friends, she always became so animated. She described her doctor friend as a very serious person...rarely taking the time to smell the roses and rarely spending anytime just having fun. So Miss Cindy drove to her home with a variety of costumes and the two of them played dress up that evening. Can you imagine two adult women playing dress up. She said her doctor friend never played dress up as a child and this was something that she liked to do with her. That story really epitomized the type of person that Miss Cindy was...a wild and free spirit who deeply cared about her family and friends.
Miss Cindy cared deeply for those close to her and it showed because she was such a good listener. Many confided in her their deepest troubles and she listened with great compassion and deep concern. She offered advice freely and was there when you needed her most. She put her faith in God first followed by family and friends.
I work three mornings a week at the preschool and I knew that whatever kind of mood I was in first thing in the morning, it would be greatly improved after receiving my morning greeting from Miss Cindy. Without fail, each morning that I worked, I would walk down the long stretch of hallway to Miss Andrea's room and see Miss Cindy sitting at the children's table in one of those little orange chairs. Upon hearing me trudging in, she would lean back in her chair, cock her hear, and say "Good Morning Miss Kathy!" and then flash one of her brilliant smiles. Thank you Miss Cindy for brightening my day.
It is so hard to make sense of all this. I know though that Miss Cindy was needed for a greater purpose. Slowly I will accept what is..for it is our Lord's will. Prayer now comforts me... The words from this Lennon/McCartney song ring in my soul:
"When I find myself in times of trouble
Mother Mary comes to me
Speaking words of Wisdom, let it be.
And in my hour of darkness
She is standing right in front of me
Speaking words of wisdom, let it be.
Let it be, Let it Be,
Whisper words of wisdom, let it be."
I love you Miss Cindy and I will keep you close in my heart always.
graphic taken from http://www.devilgraphics.com/pic.php?n=margarita/&b=Margarita/