Another Long Stretch

"Tidal Pool,"  May 2012

I get overwhelmed too easily.  Why, I don't know.  Some people thrive on stress, some people welcome stress with open arms, some people actually are productive under stress, some people learn how to deal with it, and others just shut down.  I'm one of those that shut down, even under mild stress.  Why?  I don't know.  But what I do know know is that I don't deal with stress and life becomes counter productive.  The blog is just one facet that gets left in the dust.  Its been a while, no?  So much has gone down, so many fun details ignored, life keeps happening to me and I'm just floating through the day, the weeks, the months...  So I read an updated blog, finally, from a dear friend, Faye.  She has been absent from the blog seen for a while as well and she got me to thinking.  My thoughts and words do matter, at least to me.  They help me feel better about myself, my motivations, my life.  They put things in some what of a perspective and allow me to reflect on just how much I have accomplished and just how much I am blessed, very blessed indeed.

Since January, I have just sort of skated through 2012.  My art work has been dismal.  I've produced three pieces of which one is presented here, "Tidal Pool"-a mixed media and collage work in my Claiming Sanctuary ongoing series. I did manage to get accepted to the big Art of the Land fundraiser gallery show at the Starline Gallery (in September) once again, so that will be on the horizon. http://www.conservemc.org/ways-to-help/special-events-fundraisers/art-of-the-land-art-show-benefit.html.   I did get to meet one of my collage idols, Laura Lein-Svencner at a one day workshop.  I marvel at how organized she is and how talented she is.  She is living the artist life and sucking up every minute of it.  I marvel at how she juggles everything.  Young adults still living at home, doing the home maker thing, full time artist and collage teacher (a ton of prep work goes into her classes...amazing), mom to several animals, an avid gardener, she even makes her own paper (from scratch).  I am sure I am missing several things( like almost daily walks in her local forest preserve).  Jealous, maybe..  As I get older though, I know jealousy is a dangerous emotion and to be careful what I wish for.  So I follow Laura's blog and dream a little, but not too much.  

Since January, my father-in-law went spiraling down hill (too quickly) into the depths of Alzheimer's.  My husbands sister was closest to the situation and she she was ever caring for and handling all his affairs.  We will be forever grateful to her. My husband was with his Dad often and our family tried to make as many trips as possible to visit. In mid May, Jack Ellis passed away under Hospice care.  My sister-in-law and her husband were there all morning but had stepped out just for a breather.  That is when Jack passed.  Marc was very close, very close to his Dad.  Its been a long couple of weeks.  Alzheimer's is an awful condition.  I prefer to remember Jack as he was during my early years of marriage:  vivacious, loving, fun, life filled him with exuberance on a daily basis, a lover of animals, an adoring Grandfather, lover of the arts, optimist, and an individual in peace with himself and nature.  I will miss you Jack Ellis.

In April I learned that I could be a chaperon for the Bolshoi Ballet's Summer Intensive in New York City.  Colin was actually thrilled to have me come along, really?  Colin is seventeen and it will be his first time in New York City for 6 frigging weeks, really, its OK for Mom to come along?  Hell ya, he embraced the idea.  I can't even describe what went into that decision making process and I am still concerned about my decision to go. I am so guilted out at leaving my two daughters for 6 weeks. There is so much to deal with on the home front over this 6 week period.  Marc works full time after all, Claire has a summer intensive with Judith Svalander School of Ballet (she still doesn't have that drivers license yet), school registration needs to be done with numerous dumb ass forms, senior pictures needs to be arranged, Katie's college registration for fall needs to get paid (stupid computer program sucks and has changed several times since she started at our local college--it takes a college grad and then some to figure out how to pay the school), dogs need food on weekly basis, certain bills need attending too, making/cooking healthy dinners, and that is a just a few things poor Marc will have to contend with during this 6 week period.  But my dearest husband told me if I wanted to do it, then go for it.  It is a once in a lifetime opportunity.  Imagine, I would get to be in one of the most highly ranked cultural centers of our country, seeing first hand  top training in ballet from a world renowned ballet school.  New York City is where Colin wants to be someday.  I had been so nervous about sending him on his own and now I can be there if he needs me...but at what price? At any rate, I would really love to blog this experience, I just hope I can make that a reality.I won't have the capability to upload pictures from my camera, but if I remember to use my son's iPad, I might be able to get a few pics.

In the midst of all this "upheaval," I had to get physicals.  Those who know me may know that I hate doctors.  Anyway I went and we discovered that I have hypertension.  Doctor told me mine was genetic and all the exercise and diet in the world would not alleviate the condition.  A few meds later, its under control.  Whew.  I also started a walking program in mid April to at least get my sorry legs moving again for all the walking I will be doing.  I purchased a new pair of Saucony running shoes (my favorites for walking) and off I went.  I am happy to say I think I'm going to be fine as far the physical part of this trip.  Now I face the real stress of packing for 6 weeks for the two of us, getting to the airport, getting checked in, flying out, and getting to the place that we are going to call home.  Why do I do this to myself?  I guess I am getting myself mentally prepared for the upcoming fall/winter whirlwind of company auditions and college auditions for Colin and college visits and interviews for Claire.  After New York I have to hit the ground running (walking, running is not in my vocabulary). 

Right now...we are in the midst of tech week at the Woodstock Opera House.  It is spring performance time.  This year is the Judith Svalander's School of Ballet 40th anniversary.  Instead of a full length ballet, Mrs Svalander pulled together a program that promises to delight.  She has selected repertoire from her 40 years as an artistic director.  Many favorites of her instructors will be highlighted as well as some excerpts of full length ballets that were staged at her hands (or feet lol).  Its a big time for Colin and Claire because they are both members of her company.  They dance a lot..which does my heart good.  I will never get tired of watching them...ever.  We are going to all the performances.  Here is the link:
http://www.woodstockoperahouse.com/Shows-June12.html.  If you are in the are..this is a great venue.  It is also a wonderful way to introduce young children to ballet. The program will be fast moving so it will keep children's attention on the stage.  It should be a blast.


Now I am babbling..  I need to come up for air and continue my journey...
k

Its Nutcracker time Once Again: 12/7/11

Rehearsal at the Waverly in Woodstock Illinois Photo by Dan Swinson ©2011

Claire, photo Dan Swinson ©2011

I am trying so hard to savor each moment of my 2011 Nutcracker Experience.  It will be a bitter sweet one I'm afraid.  Colin and Claire have one more year before they move on.  They will go separate ways.  My twins will begin to have their own lives, apart.  I don't want to dwell on that.  It is hard enough knowing they will soon be seniors.  I want so much for each of them.  I want their dreams to be fulfilled.  I want them to be the best they can be and I hope they will always stay in touch. I hope they will want to come home on the holidays or that I and their Dad can go to them on the holidays.  I hope.....

So how is this years Nutty shaping up?   As I said, I am trying hard to savor each moment, smile with each trip I make to the Opera House because something was forgotten, rejoice when I have ballet shoes to sew, take the home Christmas decorating in stride even though I have Christmas this year, shrug when I spend umpteen dollars on carry out meals through rehearsals and performances, make no comments about how many small loads of dance apparel I have to wash each night for the next two weeks, revel in each performance that I have tickets for (I have five performances that I am seeing and 3 that I am ushering), be a proud Mom no matter what happens in each performance, be a kind Mom when first time Nutcracker parents are trying to figure out scheduling and the tricks of the trade (so to speak), and finally, soak up the compliments with humility from other parents and friends.  I want to remember everything.  I want to be a part of Colin's and Claire's triumphs.  I just hope I deserve all these precious moments because they will be over all too soon.  Merde my dear Colin and Claire. 

Love MOM

Summer Recap 8-15-11

4 AM  7-10-11, all ready to leave

I don't even know where to begin.  My summer has been one of hurry up and wait, stress, little art, and proud momma moments.  Busy = something had to give, sadly, it was my blog.  Having been away for 2 months, I was surprised to see this new lay out in Blogger.  It took 10 minutes to get reacquainted.  I can't decide if I like just yet.  Anyway, my emotions ran the gamut this summer and I often found it difficult to put anything down in words.  The blog got pushed aside.  After Swan Lake, it was all about getting Colin ready for his four week workshop with the American Ballet Theater.  I spent most of June making lists, buying supplies, emailing back and fourth to the program coordinator, etc...  Meanwhile both Colin and Claire were taking classes (a summer intensive) at their year round ballet school.  They also took drivers ed and so I was in the car on and off all day during June and the beginning of July.  My oldest was registering for our local college and that was an ordeal in itself.  And then, the magic day for Colin was here, July 10th, he and his father headed to Texas and the adventure was on.  Colin took classes at the ABT program in Austin Texas at University of Texas.  I really was not all that weepy when he left, it really hit me though later that evening when I did not hear him on his XBOX 360.  I looked forward each day to his phone call, his Facebook updates, his voice, his pictures.  I mad sure to send him a daily picture of his Mandy dog ( our female greyhound, he adores her) and made sure to send him a weekly snack package. Claire, on the other hand kept me busy with ballet classes, the gym, and the pool. My oldest, Kaitie, well its been a long hall with her.  After her huge car accident, we sought professional help and she was diagnosed with ADHD.  Talk about a whirl wind of doctor appointment.  I am still trying to get her meds dosage correct.  At the college, I set her up with special needs accommodations but that was no easy ordeal.  I started the process and July and I am still gathering paper work. At the end of July, Claire had her showcase performance.  This was the culmination of 6 weeks of work.  No photos, of course, but let me say, she was a bright star up there on stage.  Her smile, her presence, was the best I have seen it.  This summer she was accepted into the JSSB company course and because it is so rigorous, she improved her technique and learned some partnering skills.  Mrs. Svalander brought in guys specifically to work with the company dancers.  As one might suspect, guys are few and far between at the local ballet schools around us, well around most local ballet schools across the country, but Mrs Svalander managed to gather up enough young men to work with our girls.  What a perk.

Claire in Summer Show Case

On with the ABT.  I don't have many photos.  Colin, being Colin, took none.  There will be some shots though, by a professional photographer, however they are not posted yet.  On August 4th, my husband and I went down to Texas to pick him up and see his final performance.  The ABT accomplished much with these extremely talented young dancers.  To get a show ready in just four weeks.....  Colin grew so much during this time in Austin.  Not so much physically ( his height is the same), as emotionally.  He had the opportunity to dance with other male dancers that were as talented (and then some) as Colin.  To me, that was huge.  When I saw the guys on stage together, it made me so proud that Colin was a part of it all and he danced so beautifully.  I cried of course. I have to hand it to the ABT program.  For Colin it was so worth it. Even though he had a full tuition scholarship, Marc and I still had to cough up room and board and food.  Not to mention the air flights and transportation costs associated with getting around Austin...  What the heck though, this is Colin's dream.  This is a company Colin would die for (to get into it).  So we roll with the punches...  I think that Colin has made some life long friends.  WIth social media, he won't loose touch.  

My version of a Day of the Dead Skull

Meanwhile, we are preparing for the next show...No, not nutcracker, although auditions are coming up very soon.  Mrs. Svalander was invited to stage a new ballet about Frida Khalo.  This is for/in celebration of Hispanic Heritage month (October).  The performance is October 1st.  Yours truly is helping out with the props.  And that is where is where I am as far as my art.  I had all these great plans for finishing actually collages.  Where the heck has the time gone?  And the sad thing is that I knew this would happen..it does every year, every extended break (Christmas, Spring break).... I just can't seem to budget my time at all anymore.  I did manage to get an application in for the Raue Center galleries this coming year but that is about ll.  So as September fast approaches, I have a list a mile long that are "must get done" now items.  Sigh......


K
P.S.  I have a new internet friend that I just had to mention.  Her name is Susie and not only is she a marvelous mixed media artist but she totally relates to all my blurbs about my ballet mom life because she too is a ballet mom.  It hink that is so cool.  The internet brings so many people together.  Susie, thanks again for your email.  Here is Susie's blog link...  http://mylifeonebitatatime.blogspot.com/

Swan Lake Reflections: 6-20-11

This past week I spent some time recovering from Swan Lake rehearsals and performances.  I did the hurry up and wait routine about 3 times per day during the tech rehearsal week and then went to 4 performances of Swan Lake on the (the 10th, 11th and 12th).  No art has been done for the past two weeks but I a beginning to get the itch again, gratefully.  Colin and Claire have had a down week this past week as well so I spent much of my time with them.  My 18 year old, who is really going on 30, was rarely home at all so I was grateful to spend some quality time with my 16 year old twins.  Claire and I did some shopping, her favorite past time, Colin and I did some movies, we all sat down to dinner together which is a rarity and I did a lot of home cooking.  We also hit our health club 4 of the 5 weekdays which is a perk as well.  

Each night before I fell asleep I put together some thoughts on my children's performances.  It is funny how it works but with each passing year I can see such great improvement in their technique and in their performance.  Thanks to the magic of professional videos, I can relive all those memories.  This particular performance found both Colin and Claire in solos. I am so proud of both of them!  Claire, recovering from mono, lit up the stage.  Regardless of how tired she was, you would never know she was ailing.  Her personality just totally came through.  Colin was absolutely incredible.  He was pure grace and power.  I was able to watch him perform as prince (he was the understudy) and I have to give him kudos.  His range of emotions were right there.  You could see just how in love he was with his Odette yet he was totally conflicted at the same time.  Bravo Colin...you are destined for the big stage.  Enjoy the little slide show below..you will see what I mean :)

Mrs Svalander, our studio's artistic director, invited some friends to attend the last performance.  These friends were former professional dancers from about 40 years ago.  They made sure to tell Colin how talented he was which just about sent him into tears.  I really don't think he wants to admit how talented he is.  I think that is a defense mechanism for him.  These ladies, some in their 60s and 70s, we never met before but you just sort of knew that they were former dances (with Stone and Camryn in Chicago) because of they way they moved.  I was also moved my their comments.  I mean really choked up.  I am always amazed at the range of emotions this performing art brings out in me.  The ballet is something extraordinary and I do hope, dear readers, you take the time to see one at least once. 

 


















And so, here we are at another week.  Colin and Claire have started Mrs. Svalander's summer intensive which basically preoccupies ~8 hours a day (with lunch and dinner breaks) 3 days per week, and about 5 hours the other days (except Sunday).  Colin leaves for Austin Texas on July 10th to participate in the American Ballet Theaters summer intensive.  I do hope he posts daily on Facebook (feel free to friend him if you want to follow his exploits, Colin Ellis).  My husband and I will attend his final performances down in Austin.  I am so excited for him.  Claire will have a final summer intensive performance too and I do hope she is given some beautiful solo moments.  She is ready for them :)   I need to put my artist cap back on.  But that may have to wait for a while long...I have to gather all Colin's stuff, and there is a lot of it, to pack and send down before he leaves, and also pack him up for the actual trip.  Never a dull moment.  

Least I forget, all these photos are © Dan Swinson, whose talent is awesome.  Thank you Dan for allowing your faithful followers to use some of these photos :)

k

Swan Lake

Swan Lake 2010:  Photo by Dan Swinson

This photo is from last years production of one of the most beloved ballets, Swan Lake.  And this is what I have been up to all this week.  Tonight begins the marathon weekend of performances.  Coin and Claire are totally pumped and you can feel the adrenaline in the air.  So as alluded earlier, this week has been about getting the kids to and from rehearsals and waiting...  I am too involved with the excitement of it all so I have not been able to concentrate on much else.  I wonder if other parents of children who dance or perform on stage feel the same way as I do.  I can't buy tickets for just one show, I have to buy tickets for 4 shows.  I have long ago come to the conclusion that Colin and Claire will be 18 all too soon so I am going to enjoy every minute as a ballet Mom and a very proud one at that.  The house work will always be there, so will my art, so will the wash!!!  But my children have always come first no matter what the cost.  We've sacrificed a lot through the years so they could have the best training available and it is paying off in a big way.  Colin has chosen dance as his career path and will be studying at a summer intensive with the American Ballet Theater in July, Claire wants to go to college to pursue her dancing.  I'm smiling ear to ear.  So as I sit here and type this, I am eagerly awaiting the first performance tonight.  As soon as Mr. Swinson has some photos available I will post them.  He is a fantabulous photographer and has a knack for capturing dancers in their finest moments.  


k

Breathing 6-8-11



"Transformation"  completed 6-3-11

 I have been meaning to summarized my last week.  I really had good intentions to write on the weekend.  But as it always seems with me, time just gets away.  I'm back on a path again, not exactly the one I was on before this past week, but at least its a path.  My oldest has recovered from the shock of her car crash and is asking for a car again...to that I say, fat chance.  We just found out her $16,000 car has $12,000 worth of damage. So now we wait for our insurance agency to decide if they total it or fix it.  My Claire has been cleared for dance.  Thank God.  Up until yesterday, I had a tight grip on her making sure she got plenty of rest, fluid, sustenance, etc... We allowed her to mark her part but no more than that.  Last night was the first rehearsal that she actually danced and she brought tears to my eyes.  She will remain fatigued for some time but as long as she knows when to rest, all is good.  My son had the opportunity to dance the prince part in Swan Lake last night (rehearsal).  He is the prince Sigfried understudy. So I was invited to watch him perform his actual part as well as the understudy Prince Sigfried.  I have seen his Benno (best friend of the prince) and have always been amazed at his athleticism, but his prince...my boy actually acted the part.  Its one thing to dance well, its another thing to embody the part.  And this he did.  I was in awe.  My 16 year old son, looked so love smitten. I wish I had pictures.  I can't wait to see the actual performances this weekend.  Right now, this is what is keeping me in the game :)  I'm  thinking that Mr. Dan Swinson will have some pictures of rehearsals up soon. 

Another bright spot these past couple of days was the completion of "Transformation."  Because this piece is so textured, I was at a loss at how to seal it (since it will not b3e under glass).  I settled on my go to sealer, Dorlands Wax.  Worked like a charm.  I was able to finish and seal by Thursday of last week.  The wax cured for 24 hours and then I buffed the finish.  Voila, I was ready to let her go on Friday.  I wanted the recipient, Mrs. Hirsch, to open it while I was standing there.  Tears welled up in my eyes when I saw the joy this piece brought to her.  She was almost speechless but not quite.  The hugs and the smiles spoke a thousand words.  I think I will offer prints of this one if ever I get time to get my ETSY shop up and running once again. 

Swan Lake is this Weekend.   The Black Swan photo below is by Mr. Dan Swinson and is of one of our beautiful dancers.  If you live in my area and want something completely cultural to do this weekend, head on over to the Opera House.  This is a fantastic ballet and danced so beautifully by The Judith Svalander Dance Theater.  Both my Colin and Claire have big parts :)  I am a proud Mom for sure.  My studio time will be non existent until after Swan Lake.                  

                                                                         

Presented by:

Judith Svalander Dance Theatre

June 10, 11 & 12, 2011

Friday at 8:00 PM

Saturday at 2:00 PM & 7:00 PM

Sunday at 2:00 PM

Tickets: $23.00 Adults & $16.00 Students

http://www.woodstockoperahouse.com/shows-June11.html

Two weeks into the New Year....

And I feel like it is April already.  How much stuff can you jam into 2 weeks?????  Hitting the ground running for me means that it is audition time for major ballet companies summer intensive programs.  There are photos that needed to be taken , registrations that needed to be filled out, spreadsheets made, and finally, the auditions themselves.  Colin and Claire are both auditioning.  This is their first time doing this so it is all about getting comfortable in front of teachers/judges.  The weekends will be long around here for several weeks now. 



Claire in an arabesque on pointe



My quail for daily drawing practice.



In addition, on January 1oth, I started an on-line course with one of my favorite mixed media artists, Misty Mawn.  I have dreamed about taking one of her workshops but for several years, places like Portland, Italy,  Valley Ridge, Wisconsin etc...have been out of the question.  But on-line is a different story :)))) In week one we are drawing everyday and have "homework" every day.  It will be an intense 5 weeks but that's just fine with me.  I really need to push myself and this is one good way to do it.  More on Misty's class later.

I am also gearing up for my first class of the new year at the Studio.  Our group will be doing an abstract winterscape.  Fun.  I am going through the altering paper process very slowly.  And I wish I could say I would have a sample ready for the class but not sure that is possible.  I need to add pictures soon of January's paper packets as well.  I guess I might as well be resigned to no sleep :)



Day 2, quails.



The Crystal Lake Christmas Parade: 11-26-10



Colin, the Nutcracker and his Clara

 The day after Thanksgiving is always a Christmas decorating day for our family.  We pulled out the Santa's, the nutcrackers, the holly and pine cones, the wreath and greenery, the linens, the tree, the lights...you get the idea.  Of course half of that stuff is sitting on my living room carpet but we did manage to get a good portion of the works up and in place.  It will take me another couple of days to finish the tree.  Oh and then I have pointe shoes to sew (the dastardly Gaynor-Mindens), and Colin's canvas ballet slippers as well. I really need to stop dreaming about getting back into my studio, even though the need is strong.  Preparations for the Nutcracker have barely begun.  My son and daughter have had several "guest" appearances in and around the area with one of the first being the Christmas parade.  I did not get many pictures but these two will give you an idea of the motley crew that participated.  Everyone froze.  I guess that is a tradition around here.  It wouldn't be the same if one could feel their hands and feet during the parade.  And so, onward to the craziness.  Even though I cease to exist in December, I would not have it any other way!  Happy December first!


the motley crew:  Colin, the rat king (AKA Rachel), to the right of the rat king is
my Claire (Colin's twin) as a caroler, Emily, is Clara, on the other side of the rat king, her twin
Jenny (next to my Claire),Sugar Plum Fairy (AKA Fabi) and another caroler
(AKA Helen- far right).



Of Art, Colin, Ballet, and a Competition: My last couple of weeks-10/14/10

So I am embarrassed.  I love to blog, I really do.  I enjoy the writing, I enjoy putting my thoughts into a logical order, I enjoy sharing, I enjoy the process.  But I am also a master of procrastination.  These topics are near and dear to my heart and yet they have weighed so heavily on me during the past two weeks that I get emotional when I talk about them and hence write about them.  A couple of FaceBook buddies suggested I just write and free myself and they are absolutely correct.  So here it goes:

OF ART: There has been painfully little art.  After the Art of the Land show, which was a huge success for The Land Conservancy and a great show for the artists including myself, I basically crashed.  Actually I think it was a little before the show that I crashed.  My muse has flown the coop.  I have little motivation right now and I have some reasons why that is, although they are not excuses.  So I am a little burned out for one, I have a lot on my mind both consciously and unconsciously, its Nutcracker season and I am on the run, my classes are not taking off at the Studio School of Art (in my defense, a lot of different classes are not taking off).  Enough said.

Of Colin:  My son is a wonderful ballet dancer.  All of his childhood and teen years (he is 15 now), have been spent  in the dance studio.  Being a male ballet dancer as a youth and teen is a difficult thing for a boy in America, but I am so proud of how he has weathered the storm thus far.  You can imagine what I am talking about.  He has been called some names and bullied and excluded from outside activities because of his "sport." And through this all he has held his head up and forged forward.  To my point, I worry about him all the time.  I can't help it. And strangely enough, I know I can't control other people and how they treat him.  I do hope he does not lose sight of his goals nor lose his passion for dance.  He is really good.

Of Ballet: Both Colin and Claire are in the throws of our annual Nutcracker. The rehearsal time is added onto their already very long class schedule.  Claire will be dancing with her brother in the Chinese scene and she is trying to get in shape for that.  Colin has been lifting weights three to four times a week for all the lifting (of dancers) he will be doing.  The physical demands of this beautiful performing art are daunting.  To keep Colin in food, for example, is like trying to put an elephant on a diet. He eats all the time and we have to remind him to down those protein shakes and gator aides before and after his classes.  I have been doing some creative cooking to keep meals healthy but at the same time, not look so healthy (Colin hates anything green) so they get all the  micro nutrients and vitamins.  Oh yea, and then there is something called home work and of course sleep. When they do not get enough sleep, both are prone to injuries.  Shin splints are common, especially with all the extra rehearsals. Blisters from extra time in point shoes (Claire), sometimes 6 hours or more, are also occurring more frequently.  In the end, I know it will be worth it...I just don't see any light yet at the end of the tunnel.

Of a Competition:  My Colin was asked to enter a local competition (in Chicago).  We looked at this as a great opportunity for him in more than one way.  It would serve as the first time that he would be seen by the whose who of the Chicago dance scene, it would be an "audition" experience for him, and he would meet and observe other guys dancing and at least get a feel for his talent.  He began rehearsing in late June, once per week with one of his dance instructors, a variation from the ballet Don Quixote. And then in late August, a special modern piece was choreographed just for him by another dance instructor to the music The Boxer (Simon and Garfunkel). The competition was held the first weekend of October but it seems like I have been with him in this since the summer.  OK so the experience got mixed reviews from both of us.  First of all, he was the only male of about 27 other contestants. Next, no one really talked to us or him.  Parents stayed in their little pods as did the competitors. 
 We had no idea where all the other dancers haled.  It was very apparent that no one was going to give us the time of day.  I am not sure what to make of that.  Was it rudeness, was it that because it was our first time in a competition that we did not know what the etiquette was?  Gosh who knows, and we probably never will know.  Colin did not win anything.  That is OK because I understood where the judges were coming from and what they were looking for.  I am OK with that really.  But what I found utterly amazing was that after the competition was over, not a single judge (and there were 5 of them) came up to Colin just simply to say hi, or come back again next year, or its nice to see a boy here, or offer any words at all of encouragement (have they all forgotten how hard it is for dance schools to recruit boys or how hard it is for boys to stay in ballet in this country).  I mean come on.  I just found that incredibly rude.  I saw that one of the judges was on his blackberry (or whatever) and another fell asleep during some of the performances.  Anyway, it seemed that all the judges knew the first pace winner though and that is who they flocked to after the competition.  So am I way off base here.  I am obviously biased, big time biased... but geesh.  Here is what I think I took away from this all that was positive:  The judges did offer their own individual  comments to all of the dancers collectively at the end.  What they said to them had one consistent theme and that was while there were many good technicians (Colin of course was one of those) they wanted to see a performance, passion, expression.  And for what it is worth, I agree.  What separated the winners from the great technicians was just that, the fire and passion, being present in their performance, smiling once and awhile...you get the idea.  Its not like Colin has not been told that a thousand times, it is just does not come natural to him.  He dances with his head and he's got to include his heart if he wants to take the next step.  I am not sure if Colin bought all of this.  He was pretty upset after the competition.  Time will tell.  I just hope that my experience wasn't typical for ballet competitions. 

waiting for results with Claire